Philippines Report

Bubonika, hindi tumitigil sa paglulubid ng kasunungalingan!

SOBRA talagang manira ang impaktang si Bubonika. Ang matronang puro ngala-ngala.

Puro ngala-ngala raw, o! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Yuck!

How so ugly! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, this ugly beyond belief matrona never fails to tell anyone who would care to listen about the help that she had supposedly given to us.

Ang kapal-kapal ng pagmumukha.

Papa'no naman siya makapagbibigay sa amin gayung that time that I was close to her, she was already on the road to bankruptcy?

Yosi-kadiri!

Anyway, dahil sa sobrang pangungulit daw namin sa kanya, pinakuha raw niya ‘yung kabayaran sa columns niya sa amin sa cashier.

Pantasyadorang matanda!

Ang kapallllllll! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Teka muna, matandang plastikada, bakit naman ako mangungulit sa ‘yo samantalang ako pa ang nagbibigay ng mga singsing na ginto tuwing
birthday mo.

Matauhan ka nga babaeng ilusyunada!

Pwe!

Natatandaan ko pa, noong magbigay ng gift certificate si Demi Quirino na kinover mo sa iyong cheap na magazine, namutla ka dahil
wala kang pera, ‘yun pala kailangang bayaran mo na ng cash kapag alanganin na ang bill. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

You could just imagine how pale you looked when the cashier asked you to pay in cash the remaining balance. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Oo nga't aminado akong binigyan mo ako ng bracelet pero kabayaran naman ‘yun sa mga columns na sinulat ko sa mga magazines mo na hindi mo binabayaran. Harharharharharharharhar!

Also, I remember vividly, tuwing gumi-gimmick tayo sa Cowboy Grill, patak-patak ang bayaran dahil wala kang pera babaeng impakta!

‘Yung iced tea nga palihim pa nating tinitimpla sa ilalim ng mesa because that would be additional expenses.

Tapos sasabihin mong hingi ako nang hingi ng pera sa ‘yo? Kilabutan ka hayup na matanda.

At ito ang tandaan mo, never kitang titigilan hanggang makita kong naglulupa ka na't gumagapang sa hirap, salabusab na gurang.

Ang Juicy, if I may remind you, was rating 5 to 6%. Nang hawakan mo babaeng satanista, ay wala pa halos 1% ang rating. Hahahahahaha!

Pa'no, laos ka na at wala ng dating sa publiko with your cheap kata at kita that you would utter with such ignominious cheapness. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Bakit? takot ka naman talagang makasama ako sa isang show dahil maiilawan ang katangahan mo with my flawless English and cool bearings. Hakhakhakhakhakhakhakhakhak!

Tama na ang kaipokritahan. You are no match to my educated tongue. Sa Showbiz Lingo nga, hindi mo ma-interview si Zean Claude Van Damme dahil syonga ka at hindi makapag-Ingles at afraid sa kanya. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Ang ending, binura n'yo ang boses ko at pinatungan ng cheap n'yong mga boses samantalang I labored awfully hard to do that interview.

Kaya nga sinabi mong you would only do Juicy if I would be out of it. Hindi ba matandang buruka?

Ano'ng nangyari? Kasama mo na nga si DJ Mo wala pa rin kayong rating. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Kaya huwag ka ng mag-ilusyon na magkaka-show ka pa dahil knowsline na ng publiko ang katangahan mo. Laos ka na. Tapos na ang panahon mo, gurangski. You're as good as stale meat.

Babu!

‘Nga pala, this is not the end of it. Hindi kita titigilan hangga't hindi ka gumagapang sa hirap, matandang impakta.

Maglubid ka man ng kasinungalingan, sasagutin ko ‘yan because I am the truth. Hindi ako tulad mong mapanira, plastikada naman at scared magpakatotoo dahil maraming lihim.

Ang pag-blowjob sa caru, ‘di ba Juday, the driver? Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Dakota kaya ang nakuplang ng original na Leila De Limang ito? Hahahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun nah!

NAPAKA-POSITIVE NG AURA NI ANNE!

I was not invited at the presscon of Bakit Lahat ng Gwapo May Boyfriend, featuring the controversial tandem of Dennis Trillo and Paolo Ballesteros, who, I was told, were very good in this movie, but I couldn't help but write some positive things about the movie simply because of Ms. Anne Curtis who's overall personality is engagingly pleasant.

Sa totoo, napaka-wholesome ng dating ni Ms. Anne, you can't help but like her.

I'm not close to her but I can feel her good vibrations and her positive aura oozing from every core of her existence.

Napakabait niyang tao and it radiates from her efforlessly. Kahit nga sa kanyang yayang si Mae Ann (or was it Mary Ann?) ay napakabait at supportive niya. No wonder, she's been with her for the past 19 years and doesn't entertain the thought of living.

Palabas na nga pala ang Bakit Lahat ng Guapo May Boyfriend on October 19. See you in cinemas near you, love.

YOU CAN NEVER PUT A GOOD WOMAN DOWN!

Unti-unti, Mystica is comparable to the Phoenix who is completely indestructible.

Dinown man siya ng mga mapanira't mga mapangmaliit, tulad ng tabachingching na kolumnistang ito sa isang top-rating tabloid na akala mo nama'y pagkaganda-ganda niya at pagkatali-talino kung makapamintas, chakah naman.

Chakah naman daw, o! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Cheap! Pleased to meet you!

Anyway, nag-show si Tikay sa Raimer's resto bar & grill in Pasig at nakatutuwa namang may mga taong dumating mereseng matindi ang bagyo.

Honestly, wala pa ring kupas ang galing ni Mystica.

Bagama't faulty ang sound system, buong ningning niyang nakanta ang mga kantang line up niya much to the enjoyment of the crowd who attended her intimate concert.

Dahil dito, may repeat ang kanyang concert and this time, maganda na raw ang kanyang TF since napatunayan niyang she still has what
it takes to entice people to watch her concert.

Good luck, Mystica. I have always believed in you. Nagkaloko-loko man ang buhay mo, I still believe that you can still make it.

For one, you still have the talent and the looks. Konting tiyaga pa at nakasisiguro akong raratsada ka na naman.

Believe me!

***
Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at peteampoloquiojr@gmail.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong! DAPAT LANG!/PETE G. AMPOLOQUIO, JR.

Remate

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